Memory, or Dream?

To You:

I never did get around to telling you why I was disappointed, did I? I suppose you never stuck around long enough to realize I actually am capable of emotions. At least, I seem to have discovered this capacity to be true.

You did ask what it was I wanted. I wanted to see you write, to be a part of the process and not apart from it. I didn’t want to merely be the “muse” that inspired your creations, I wanted to be the brush you dipped into the ink.

I watched as you traded your soul for your body; your writing for your running. One could only hope you were merely creating the experiences you would later on depict. I realized, perhaps whatever we were was that experience you never knew existed…

But, I was disappointed, nonetheless, for you were so fixated on being a result that you skipped the entire process of us.

Pain, that’s inevitable. It’s part of life. Not the only part, of course, just the part that motivates people like you to write. Your projection of me was the pain you sought; loving me was the provocation you were looking for since you discovered your wellspring of creativity. It was the darkness you needed after being in the sun too long. Somehow along the way, you lost your torch, so you ran ‘soon as the shadows moved with the winds.

Anger, however, that was on me. That was my storm. I was looking for that provocation, knowing that your childlike desire for a utopian creation would most definitely invoke my rage. Why? Because for me, growing up was never a choice. My innocence was stripped from me the moment I could put two syllables together and figure out what words were.

Believe me, innocence of the mind is not something of which I am familiar. Innocence of the heart, perhaps, but mind? Nay.

And there you were, a physical representation of all that I had left behind, a version of my younger self that you had chosen to portray in my present. A self I thought was history. There you stood.

Still, I write this now, after all this time, because being both blessed and cursed with an infallible experiential memory renders you an experience I cannot forget.

Cannot, and also choose not to try.

While I do miss the memories we only halfway created, darling, I find it hard to miss you. What disappoints me, love, is that…

…I never knew you.

Not the way I wanted to anyway, you never let me. You feared me more than you loved me, and ran though there was nothing to fear. By the time you discovered I’m actually harmless, your shoes were so worn and torn that you wondered if it was even worth coming back. To me.

And yet here we are, after all this time, still writing, still breathing the same air, still sharing the same city space — that unrefined space of a place you know I can only call home. Here we are, after months, and all my unspoken feelings and untold truths spill like word vomit, time and time again. Here we are; here I am, still writing. Still thinking of you. Still loving you.

Still wondering…if your existence is a memory or a dream…

I miss…the you I never knew.

MG

P.S. HB, R.

Larger Than Life

I wasn’t
looking to
change you.
Just your mind.

I wasn’t
looking to
take over
your world.
Just your thoughts.

I wasn’t
looking to
be apart
from
your world.

I’ve only ever wanted
to be
a part
of
(anything larger than life)
you.

~MG~

#imissyou

A Star is Born

Sometimes
The Sun and Moon
collide
so that
a star
can be
born
~MG~

Stars are made when particles are compressed, pushed together, causing chemical reactions and increasing temperatures as kinetic energy escalates. It can be a violent process where the energy pushes against each other with so much force that they are magnetically pulled together. Gravity keeps the pressure on, staying grounded generates more and more heat. The young star gets hotter, brighter, and reaches an intensity where eventually they fuse together, releasing massive amounts of energy. (Information here)

Voila, a star is born.

The sun and the moon collided — our physical selves, polar opposites on the surface — so that a star could be born.

That star is the love that exploded out of us pushing against each other after being brought together. That star, is soul.

It was always about soul, darling.

Because soul.

M.G.

(Inspirational music, click here)

Work of Art

I have an eye for words
and an ear for music
I see colours of the rainbow
but not shadows on the streets
An artist, I am not,
but a creator, that I am
Yet you,
my dear,
are the only
work of art
I appreciate.

MG

Vision

Sometimes it’s not about easing the way
It’s about readying it
~MG~

Vision
is not just about dreams or aspirations
Vision
is discernment and preparations
Vision
is not limited to eyesight
Vision
is seeing with the heart, soul, and mind
Vision
is not seeing flaws in everyone else
Vision
is seeing through one’s damaged self
Vision
is not focused on surface beauty
Vision
is breaking down the walls for clarity
Vision
is not excused supposition
Vision
is learning to destroy inhibitions
Vision
is not a fantasy nor memory
Vision
is embracing you in my reality.

 

MG

Write Until…

Write until all that remains is love; Love always remains.

Write until the clouds shift, until the sun comes out to play. Write until there is no more anger, no more pain, no more fear, no more anxiety, no more excuses, no more boundaries. Write, and write, and write, until all that remains…is Love.

It’s explosive. Love is beautiful.

It’s all the good, the bad, the scary, the sad, wrapped up and bundled into a giant confusing package.

But amidst all the confusion and turmoil, there is that steadfast, security that sometimes feels like a literal rock. A rock that, no matter how hard it is pushed, the one pushing only ricochets because it is so much stronger than any human.

That rock, is Love.

Love itself is strong,  much stronger than humans are sometimes capable. Humans fall short of Love itself — if Love were to stand alone, it could be much like the Himalayas with ambivalent directions pointing left, right, centre, when all you had to do was keep going up; or deep as the Grand Canyon with a bunch of trampolines in case one does “accidentally fall in Love”.

But the journey to Love is sometimes treacherous; ask any adventurer or explorer. Getting stuck in potholes, sinking in quicksand; frost bite, rope burn, to name a few. It’s the journey that is the adventure. Love is free of cost, but not free of journey. It is not a state in which one can teleport; it is a “destination” that one reaches.

To a writer, writing is that journey. It is that path one writes, scribbling lines paving the way to the heart of a writer. It is the concoction of words concatenating the thoughts, the feels, the warm embraces. It is the bridges we cross and walk around in circles trying to find our ways around the place, trying to write out the steps to the destination.

Love heals.

To write, is to love.
To love, is to heal.
To write, is to heal to love.

Write until all that remains is love.

All. That. Remains.

Is love.

MG